


Fears

by Baroness_Blixen



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Episode: s03e23 Wetwired, F/M, Phone Flirting, a hint of angst, bed sharing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-05-20 23:03:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14903850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baroness_Blixen/pseuds/Baroness_Blixen
Summary: Mulder and Scully coming to terms with what happened in "Wetwired".





	Fears

Mulder has been calling her every night for the last week, without fail. He’s never been punctual when it comes to work, or life in general, but with his phone calls he is. Or has been until today. When he first called her Monday night, she was surprised. She kept telling him she was fine; the serotonin levels in her blood were back to normal. She feels her old self again. The stifling fear and the paranoia are long gone. Yet, he called again the next day. ‘You can talk to me at work’, Scully reminded him, but to no avail. By Wednesday, she accepted it. As much as he needed to hear she was all right, he seemed to want her to know what he was doing, what he was thinking outside of their work day. Just last week she pointed a gun at his head and was ready to shoot so humoring him with these phone calls is the least she can do. 

Today is Friday. It’s 8.02 pm. He’s two minutes late. Any other day she would not have noticed two minutes. But after this week, she does. She stares at the phone as if that would make him call. Another minute passes. Scully hasn’t been this desperate for a phone call since her teenage years. She feels downright silly as the clock says 8.04 pm. She gets up and puts the phone back in its cradle. He is not going to call tonight. As she steps away to get herself a glass of wine, the phone rings, startles her.

“Hello?”

“It’s me.” Mulder sounds breathless.

“I thought you weren’t calling tonight.” The words are out before she can stop them. Mulder’s soft chuckle is worth her embarrassment.

“I meant to call on time,” he emphasizes, “but Frohike wouldn’t shut up.”

“You’re with the Gunmen?”

“I was. I’m in my car. Not hiding, just…” He trails off.

“I hope you’re not driving.” Scully listens for any indication that he is, but there is nothing. All she hears is his breathing and fabric rustling. He must be trying to get comfortable in the car. The thought makes her smile.

“No, I’m not driving. I wanted to call you before I went home.” There’s no reason for it, but his words make her blush. She’s glad he can’t see it.

“Mulder, I told you that-”

“You’re fine, I know. I wanted to call you anyway, Scully. What are you doing tonight?” He’s never asked her that before. She’s so taken aback by his question that she can’t reply. And Mulder takes it the wrong way. “I didn’t mean to pry. I was just curious. Uhm, listen, I’m sorry. I won’t-”

“Mulder, shut up.” He does so, immediately. “I was surprised by your question. You usually don’t ask.”

“I don’t?”

“No. You expect me to have time for whatever crazy theory is running through your head.” She smiles as she says it and hopes he can hear it.

“I don’t have a theory for you tonight. Are you busy?”

“No, I’m not busy.” Her voice turns soft.

“Good, uhm, I was talking to the Gunmen and they asked me what my biggest fear was. What if I had been affected the same way you were? What then?”

“What is it?”

“Huh?”

“Your greatest fear.”

“Bugs.” For a minute there she thought he’d be serious. She should have known. Scully laughs along with him, but she doesn’t feel it. What she feels instead is the memory of her own fear. Those moments when it all seemed to fall into place. Everything that Mulder said and did fit so well together, feeding her paranoia.

“Hey Scully?”

“Hm?”

“I just wanted to make sure I have your attention,” she hears him swallow, “It’s not bugs. My greatest fear. I may hate bugs, but my greatest fear is that you’ll leave me.” She was right after all.

“Mulder-”

“No, listen. I’ve been thinking about this all week. I was waiting for you to hand in your resignation.” That’s why he’s been calling? Her mouth feels dry. Even if she wanted to, right now she can’t correct him, can’t say a single thing.

“I thought this was it.” His voice breaks in defeat.

“Why would I quit, Mulder? Why now?”

“Why not now? There has to be a point where you say it’s enough. I thought you – when you were returned,” he clears his throat, “when you came back, I- I’ve been waiting. Holding my breath and waiting.”

“I don’t intend to leave.” You, she adds mentally. “I am not going to leave, Mulder.”

“Hm.”

“You don’t believe me?”

“I want to believe.” There’s no humor in his voice when he laughs. Scully sighs and looks at the time. 8.30 pm. It’s early and yet…

“Mulder? Why don’t you come over? We can watch a movie or something.” The idea of 'or something’ puts another blush on her face.

“Are you sure?”

“I am.”

She is, however, no longer sure when he knocks at her door. He smells like crisp spring air and wears a sheepish grin that looks put on. It makes him look ridiculous.

“Come on in.” That’s all either of them says. Mulder hangs up his coat as Scully strolls into the kitchen to get him a cup of coffee. He takes it from her hands and mouths a thank you. She watches him take a sip and sigh in contentment. She can’t help but wonder if he’s had alcohol while at the Gunmen’s. He should know better than to drive inebriated.

“I had one beer with the guys,” Mulder says as if reading her mind. She can’t take her eyes off him and he squirms under her scrutinizing glance. “I swear, Scully.” Mulder chuckles and moves towards the couch.

“I believe you.” She follows him. His eyes find hers and he takes another sip. “I trust you,” she adds unnecessarily. Mulder sets his mug on her coffee table before he turns so that he’s facing her.

“Do you? Trust me?” Last week, in her mother’s living room, a hidden part of her was convinced that Mulder didn’t trust her. All the accusations she’s hurled at him. He thought she’d leave him after this. Did he really think she believed all these things? She doesn't blame him for her sister’s death or the chip in her neck. Just last week he told her she was the only one he trusts. Does she trust him? She’s never asked herself that question. The answer was always yes. Scully nods, the movement slow and lazy, but not uncertain.

“On my way over here, I thought of a way we could conquer both our fears.” There’s a smile on his face. It’s shy and boyish. It makes her want to smile back. Instead she’s holding her breath, waiting. “But I need you to trust me.”

“I do.” Her voice is barely there. Mulder gets up and extends his hand. She won’t ask. She’ll trust him and follow him. He leads her through her apartment as if this was his home, not hers. The bedroom is dark and neither of them switches on a light. Scully fears Mulder will hear her rapid heartbeat, but he doesn’t say a word. She meets his gaze, lets him know that she really does trust him. He nods, the movement barely perceivable. Scully is already wearing her pajamas and Mulder looks her up and down. She gulps. His hand finds hers again and he leads her over to her bed. She sits down and watches as he takes off his shirt, his pants. How often has she imagined this? In how many ways? Not like this, not once. When he turns to her again, he is only wearing his boxers and a t-shirt. It’s nothing she hasn’t seen before. He remains there a few steps away from her bed, from her.

“Lie down. Pretend I’m not even here.” She thinks he’s smiling as he says it. It’s too dark to be sure. Scully crawls under the sheets and waits. Her heart is still beating way too fast; how is she ever going to sleep like this? The bed dips and she feels him close to her. She doesn’t move. He gives her time. All the time in the world. Everything happens in slow motion. Mulder lies down next to her. Then, when she doesn’t move, doesn’t complain, scoots closer until he’s behind her, spooning her. They both sigh in unison and startle. Scully is the first to break and giggles like a schoolgirl who has finally won her crush’s affection.

“Is this… all right?” His breath tickles her ear and she nods. “You’re probably wondering what this is going to prove.” Her eyes flutter shut, the feelings of having Mulder so close to her overwhelming. “As long as I’m here, I can’t do anything crazy, right?” Scully isn’t so sure about that. “I can’t work for our enemies. I can’t betray you. No one can get to you while I’m here holding you. Letting me hold you after… after you thought I wanted to harm you.” She hears the strain in his voice, understands that even the thought is unfathomable to him. Scully reaches for his hand and kisses each knuckle.

“I won’t ever hurt you, Scully. Not willingly. Not if I can help it.” It’s a promise, a vow. He seals it with a kiss into her hair.

“As for me,” he goes on and amusement sneaks back into his voice, “I am the sad, pathetic loser.”

“Mulder,” she whispers against his hand, “don’t do that.”

“Hmm. I’m holding you so you can't… if I’m holding you like this, you can’t leave me.”

“I won’t.” Her own promise to him, her own vow. They fall asleep with their limbs, their lives, entwined. Neither of them willing, or able, to let go.


End file.
